No. That’s my answer to that question. Thanks for reading. If you want to figure out why that’s my answer, some things that I’ve learnt and realised from being single and a bit of advice from single friends, please read on.
I didn’t know how much of my ‘personal’ / ‘private’ life I was going to share online however I realised I can write posts like this without the need to share much at all. It’s more of a ‘what I’ve learnt’ and ‘advice’ style post but I hope you like it and hope it helps even just one person.
I’ve been ‘Single’ just under a year now and it’s the first time since I was 17 that I’ve been single for a while. I knew I didn’t want to jump straight into a relationship, I wanted to use this time to re-discover myself and live the ‘single’ life for little bit. I wrote a blog post on a break-up I went through during my first year at University called Shitty Heartbreaks and Happy Endings and I hope that it sheds a silver lining on break-ups.
As a noun according to Google it means: an individual person or thing rather than part of a pair or a group. It does not mean: lonely, boring, unlovable etc.
Now when I say ‘single’, I put it in speech marks as I know now that I don’t feel single, I don’t feel alone, or incomplete etc so I don’t want the word to be my label or define who I am as a person. I also feel it comes with a lot of negativity and so does that saying when someone asks about your status, ‘No, I’m Single.’ Let’s get rid of that.
I’m going to list a few things I’ve personally learnt from my ‘single’ time (not that it’s coming to an end any time soon) and then I’ve asked a few of my friends to say a few words too. Remember you’re not alone and you’ve been single once before you just might not have realised it. (Didn’t exactly have a partner from birth to now did you?)
Things I’ve learnt from being ‘single’.
As much as you might feel it at times, especially when you’re being that ungodly third wheel, you’re not alone. That relationship may have ended but the ones with your friends and family hasn’t? They still love you no matter what. Remember that.
Following on from that, being single can give you more time and space to spend on your friends and family, especially if you might not have seen them a lot during that relationship.
It’s cool to date yourself! Go on a walk, go to a coffee shop, go for a meal, take yourself out just as you would your partner. It’s nice to treat yourself sometimes even if there’s no occasion such as ‘date night’.
I found being single and people saying ‘it’s the time to rediscover yourself‘ really is true. I know of a few people and myself included in this that lose themselves and their likes and dislikes in a relationship, you might not mean to, but coming out of it you have forgotten what you like because for so long it’s been what ‘we’ like.
So spend more time to get to know your likes/dislikes in life, from things to do, foods to eat, places to go, people to see etc. It can all be rediscovered and you may even find new things.
And lastly you’re allowed to use ‘those’ apps. No one’s opinion of you will change if you do and if it does they clearly aren’t worth your time. In this era there is a lot of stigma that comes with 1. being on the app, 2. using the app, 3. dating and finding a relationship from the apps. Let’s get rid of that as well. It is the new way to meet people and if you like that, go for it.
Advice from my ‘single’ friends:
“You may think that sometimes you aren’t worth it or when will I find someone I deserve? But in the end it all comes down to finally loving yourself and everything around you and that’s really all you need, and with that loving energy the right person will be drawn towards you.” – Nina
“Being single is your time to learn to love yourself. If you aren’t happy with yourself then you can’t be completely happy with someone else. Learn what makes you happy, and brings out the best in you and then never lose that side of you!” – Sophie
Thank you for taking your time to read this, whether your single or in a relationship I hope this has helped in any way. Save it as a reminder, send it to a friend in need or just take from it what resonates.
Wish you all the happiness,