I don’t know what I want…

So lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my future, in terms of dance and my performing career. After having years, of being so certain in what I want to do in my life, it’s come to a point, where that is no longer the case.

I don’t know what I want…

I remember when I was 16 years old training at Rebel Theatre School in Leeds, and knowing for sure I want to be on the West End, performing up to 9 shows a week and not having any time to do anything else, because my life would be so complete. I was clearly dreaming. Now I’m at Addict Dance Academy I am being trained by the best in the business on a weekly occasion, I am still determined to be successful in the industry however not sure what doing.

I feel like I’m creating more of a bucket list of things instead of one final goal, which for me isn’t the ‘norm’, I tend to have one end goal and shoot as far as I can to get it. After going to university and the course not being for me, I felt lost, until I applied and got in to Addict, here is where I feel myself. Maybe not the best version yet, but definitely further along the journey than last year.

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Without further ado, my bucket list so far, but as a normal bucket list is things you want to do and it’s a tick-off when completed checklist, mine is more of a ‘things I’d be interested in doing’ checklist: (and as of now…)

  • Something along the lines of Burlesque, Showgirl style shows (e.g. Moulin Rouge)
  • Disney (purely just to experience what it’s like)
  • Get signed by an Agency (To be able to do things like; performing behind an artist on tour, or a Dancer on X Factor or a show like that).
  • Be in a West End show (Maybe along the lines of Chicago, Rent, West Side Story, Wicked, Hairspray, Shrek, Cats etc)
  • Possibly be a performer on a cruise ship (this ticks off performing experience and travelling all in one).
  • Eventually when I’ve done all/most of what I’d like to do in my performing career, I’d then go into teaching; preferably in a dance school/uni.

So as you can see, I don’t really have one aim at the moment, or one end goal I have my sights on, which for me feels super strange and I keep getting these feelings of being lost and unsure which in all honesty makes me feel a bit crap. I’m so used to being certain and sure of everything and for now that’s hard, I know it could be a good thing that I’ve no idea what I want to do with my future career but it also makes me worried and on edge. But for now, I have to deal with it, and so I shall.

Thanks for reading (my annoying little rant),

As Always,

Han xx

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