Recently there has been a lot going in my life that unsurprisingly, have affected me quite a lot, many varying emotions, events and scenarios. I’m not always the best person when it comes to however I can change my bedroom layout once a month and be okay, but different changes affect different people in different ways.
Change of course can be good and bad, however it’s very rare (for me especially) to have a change that is both, and I’ve had one of those bittersweet changes. In the last few days I’ve cried and cried and cried (and no it’s not the time of the month), but that’s okay, because as I said before ‘different people, different ways’.
With change comes uncertainty and I feel that is my downfall, I hate uncertainty. The ‘I don’t knows’, the ‘we’ll find out soons’ and the ‘we’ll figure it outs’. They just outright scare me, and no one (sane) likes being scared.
At dance especially there is always change, and at the moment that’s where the majority of it is happening (that and in my personal life). Over the last few weeks and in the weeks leading up to my Easter break, I felt I was on a roll; my training was going well, I was seeing so much improvement in myself as a dancer, getting so much good and positive feedback from peers and teachers and being given so many opportunities. This obviously put me on such a high, it was just that feeling of ‘it’s too good to be true’.
I am still feeling those feelings I had however now they are more balanced alongside feelings of sadness, upset and lost. I know in myself this is just a small hiccup in my journey and I know I’ll be back to normal soon (whatever ‘normal’ is) but just as a personal update to myself, I felt I wanted to document this time, it may seem a bit rambly and that is most likely the case, it is 11:30pm when I’m writing this and I 100% should be in bed and asleep but I needed this.
Dear Future Me,
I’m Proud of You!
Lots of Love,
Thanks for Reading, Stay Strong